you watched me open like a flower
by lost soul of silver
Summary: He can feel the rest of his walls collapse. (Todoroki/Midoriya)


**Disclaimer: I do not own My Hero Academia and never will. This is a story I wrote just because I'm a fan of My Hero Academia.**

**Also, the title of this story comes from the song "Black Moss" by Johanna Warren. I don't own that, either.**

**A/N: So, I started this almost two years ago for Tododeku Week 2017, before even writing _the fear of falling apart_, and I just kinda abandoned it.**

**A couple days ago, I found the file in my Google Docs and realized that it wasn't as terrible as I thought it was and decided to salvage it. I took a slightly different direction than I originally intended for it, too, and I'm very happy with this result!**

**Enjoy~**

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**you watched me open like a flower**

Flames flicker before his eyes.

Blistering, bright, with small embers flying as the fire crackles with ferocity.

And just like that, it dissipates, leaving behind traces of a smoky aroma.

Todoroki clenches his left hand, staring at it in deep thought. The feeling of using the fire powers his left side retained is almost foreign to him, and readjusting is somewhat painful, and leaves a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

_"It's_ your_ quirk! Not his!"_

He sucks in a breath and slowly releases it through his teeth. Ever since his fight with Izuku Midoriya during the Sports Festival, those words his opponent―now his friend―had spoken constantly echo in his mind. Whenever he activates his fire quirk, and unpleasant memories of his father and his childhood start to resurface, he reminds himself of what Midoriya told him.

And harnessing his power becomes much more bearable.

Holding onto that phrase with his mind, Todoroki unfolds his hand and unleashes another palm-sized inferno. His stomach twists. His eyes burn from staring into the bright, wavering flames. He inhales and exhales again, leaning back against the wall of the building.

"It's _my_ power…" he whispers to himself, as he concentrates on keeping the fire from creeping down his wrist.

"Todoroki?"

The voice makes Todoroki stumble back in surprise, the flames sputtering and vanishing into the air. Wide mismatched eyes look up to meet with soft green ones, set inside a familiar freckled face and accented by unkempt, dark green hair.

"M-Midoriya."

The boy, coincidentally the subject on his mind at that very moment, peeks out at him from around the corner of the building. He must've been moving very quietly for Todoroki to not register his presence.

"H-hey," Midoriya stutters out with a lopsided smile. "Are you doing okay? I was worried when you didn't come to lunch, so I decided to look for you…"

"I'm okay. I just… needed some time alone, is all."

Midoriya steps around the corner to stand in front of Todoroki, eyes scanning the surrounding area.

Todoroki deliberately chose this spot, a building located in the very far corner of the U.A. campus, to practice with his fire powers. He didn't want to alert any other students or faculty members―or set off any fire alarms by mistake―but somehow, Midoriya still managed to find him here. _I swear, he has a sixth sense or something..._

"I don't think I've ever been to this part of the campus," Midoriya muses. "It's… kinda peaceful and quiet over here. It'd be a nice place to study." He inhales through his nose, and his relaxed facial features twist slightly into a puzzled grimace. "Is that smoke that I smell? Was something burning over here?"

"Well… sort of." Todoroki relaxes against the wall again, extends his left hand, and a small fire rises from his palm and engulfs everything up to his wrist. Midoriya's eyes light up as a grin stretches across his face. "You could say I came here to 'study.'"

"That's amazing, Todoroki!" Midoriya falls to his knees before him, getting a closer look at the rippling flames. "You're okay with using your left side now?"

"I'm working on it." Ever so slightly, Todoroki's mouth twitches upward. He takes note of how his stomach doesn't churn and tighten when he uses his flames around Midoriya―probably since he's the one who helped Todoroki accept this power as his own, after all. "It feels odd using it now, after all this time. It's nothing like using my right side. The ice I create can be melted before any serious harm is done, but if I can't learn to control my flames, I can easily hurt others. Once that damage is done… there's no fixing it."

Horrifying images of the destruction he could potentially cause with his quirk flash through his mind; the flames on his hand flicker out. He squeezes his eyes shut, his heart hammering in his chest.

"I'm sorry…" Midoriya says, and Todoroki's confusion breaks him from his brief moment of panic.

"For what, exactly?"

Midoriya looks away from him, sad eyes staring down at the grass beneath his knees. "During the Sports Festival, I just… wanted to help you accept your quirk as your own. I wanted you to see that you're not your father, that you can become the hero _you_ want to be. But… I think I just made you feel more conflicted about it. I shouldn't have interfered because I don't understand how―"

"No," Todoroki says, voice blunt.

Midoriya's eyes meet his again, one eyebrow raised. "Huh?"

Todoroki freezes. He didn't consider how he was going to argue with the points Midoriya presented, but he had realized the boy was anxiously muttering and over-thinking the whole scenario, and it was so depressing that he just _had_ to interrupt. But now, he doesn't know what to say in order to put Midoriya's guilt to rest.

"Midoriya, you…" He pauses, takes a slow breath. "You really did help me open my eyes during our fight. I see now that this is _my_ quirk. I'm not a prisoner of my lineage, and I can become the hero I want to be with this power, on my own terms.

"I _am_ still conflicted over what path I should take now, but… it's not a bad thing. I'll figure it out in due time. If anything, I now have more options than I did before our fight―the path I had set for myself was linear, and didn't allow much room for growth. I think, once I've fully accepted my fire quirk and stopped associating it with my old man, then I will have unlocked my full potential as a hero."

After completing his monologue, which just sounded like incoherent rambling to his own ears, Todoroki looks up to meet Midoriya's gawking eyes. "I never properly thanked you for what you did for me back then. You've helped me in more ways than you can imagine, Midoriya. So… thank you."

A warm shade of red burns across Midoriya's face; he redirects his green eyes to the ground again, rubbing the back of his neck and chuckling nervously. "H-hey, don't mention it…"

_So cute, _Todoroki catches himself thinking.

His heart stops momentarily. Fiery sparks fly from the palm of his left hand.

"Oh!" Midoriya jumps and falls back, startled by the sudden flare.

"U-uh, sorry. Like I said, I'm not really used to it yet…" Todoroki clenches his hand into a fist as he mentally curses himself. _I need to be more cautious with my emotions. Catching myself on fire when I get flustered would be dangerous, and not to mention humiliating…_

Midoriya chuckles lightly and repositions himself on the grass, crossing his legs underneath him and placing his balled-up fists in his lap. "It's okay! Do you, er… do you mind if I stay here and watch?"

"You… want to watch me practice using my flames? Why?"

Midoriya's cheeks turn pink again as he shyly averts his gaze. A swarm of butterflies unleashes itself in Todoroki's stomach, and he holds his breath to keep from losing his cool again. "I'm just… interested, I guess? I like seeing how everyone's quirks work, their strengths and their drawbacks… every detail that I can find out. I know, it's really weird and nerdy, a-and I hope I don't come off as creepy for asking because that's definitely not my intention, but―"

"No," Todoroki interjects again. _"__Stop thinking so poorly of yourself, dammit,"_ is more along the lines of what he wants to say, but he decides to keep it simple―and less awkward. "It's not weird at all. Stay and observe as long as you'd like."

His heart hammers in his chest as a wide, cheeky smile spreads across Midoriya's face and his green eyes light up. "Thanks, Todoroki…!"

Todoroki manages a simper in return before returning his attention to his quirk. Feeling slightly self-conscious with Midoriya now present, he slowly stretches out his left hand and wills his flames to surround it completely.

"Amazing…" Midoriya says, wide eyes staring into the fire. "Does it… hurt you at all?"

"Just a bit, but that's likely because I'm out of practice. My body will adapt." Todoroki focuses intently on his quirk, making the fire on his hand creep slowly down to his wrist, and further down his forearm. Abruptly, it picks up speed and spreads to the rest of his arm, coming dangerously close to the rolled-up sleeve of his shirt. His heart stops, and the flames dissipate, small traces of embers and smoke curling into the air and vanishing in an instant. "There are drawbacks, though, as you can expect. Overusing my flames can lead to burns and heat exhaustion, but I can always use my right side to control my body temperature and balance out the effects."

He assumes Midoriya noticed him briefly lose control of the inferno, because he then asks, "Is it difficult to control?"

Todoroki hesitates, giving the inquiry some thought. "Yes. A lot more so than my ice powers. Like I said, fire is more destructive. It almost has a mind of its own, and it has the desire to spread and burn all that it touches..."

Hatred suddenly overwhelms him, paired with flashbacks of the past―of Endeavor's cruel and rigorous training, of his mother calling his left side "unbearable" as she poured scalding water over his face, of his now-broken vow to himself to never use the quirk he inherited from his father.

A sharp breath seeps between his teeth, and in an effort to block it out, he replays Midoriya's words from the Sports Festival: _It's your quirk, it's _your _quirk…_

"Maybe… if I wasn't so terrified of ending up like _him_, I could..."

"Todoroki," Midoriya says, and Todoroki snaps back to reality. For a moment, he mentally thanks the heavens that Midoriya is here with him; the boy's caring nature and ability to read his suppressed emotions as if they were merely an open book never fail to put Todoroki at ease when he needs it most.

"You're _not_ Endeavor, you hear me?" Midoriya's eyes burn into Todoroki, lips set into a stern frown. "You want to be a hero for the right reasons. You're kind, and you care about others, and you have a strong sense of justice." His face softens then as he smiles gently. "You'll get the hang of using your power. I know you will. Just be patient with yourself."

"R-right…" Todoroki replies, his heartbeat accelerating. The left side of his body heats up, and he focuses all of his willpower on not bursting into flames right then and there. He breathes in, then breathes out. "Thank you, Midoriya…"

Then he waits, staring awkwardly at his left hand as his mind starts to swirl again with thoughts of how he can make this quirk his own and break away from his connection to Endeavor, and how honing this power could lead him on his path to becoming a pro hero, and how Midoriya is just watching him and admiring his skills and looking so adorable while doing it and _also why is he being so quiet, this is so unlike him―_

When the silence becomes too much to handle, and it's apparent that Midoriya isn't going to fill it with his famous ramblings, Todoroki spews a burst of fire from his palm and lets his mind go blank.

The messy-haired boy's face lights up in unison with the inferno, and Todoroki can't help but smile at the sight. After years of hating this part of himself and believing it to cause nothing but suffering for others, this boy looks at the power contained by his left side as if it's the most beautiful, incredible thing he's ever laid eyes on.

_Midoriya… He shattered almost every bone in his body, just to break down my walls and help me accept this power as my own. One day, I hope I can find the words to tell him how much that means to me..._

The fire suddenly moves on its own again, engulfing his wrist and slithering down his forearm. Todoroki doesn't panic this time and instead, wills it back into the palm of his hand. He wiggles his fingers ever so slightly, experimenting with how the flames dance and ripple in reaction to the movement.

Midoriya lets out a small gasp, in awe. Briefly, so he doesn't lose focus, Todoroki watches how the orange reflections of the fire's light swirl within his bright green irises.

Just like at the Sports Festival, Endeavor evaporates from his memory. The stinging sensation his fire quirk leaves in his skin fades into nothingness. His abdomen muscles relax. This is _his_ power.

He can feel the rest of his walls collapse.

But this time, he doesn't feel scared―not even in the slightest. Warmth settles in his chest as a smile stretches across his face.

It's just him and Midoriya, and that's all the reassurance he could ever need.

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**A/N: I have two more Tododeku oneshots in the works, so prepare yourselves ;) I've been binge watching the anime again and catching up before season 4 comes out later this year, and it's getting me so in my feels lol. I'm on a roll~**

**Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts and feelings!**

**~Hayley**


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